


Don’t Know How We Got Here

by Ever_shipping



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loneliness, M/M, could be read as platonic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28344624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ever_shipping/pseuds/Ever_shipping
Summary: I’m a sucker for stories where the lonely rich characters who look like they have it all together finally admit to themselves that they’re lonely and receive comfort they didn’t know they needed - that’s exactly what this is. Could be read as platonic, definitely ooc.
Relationships: JJ/Topper (Outer Banks)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Topper hadn’t spoken a word in a week. What a startling realization.

It’s not because he didn’t have things to say - as a matter of fact, he wasn’t sure he’d had a moment of peace for that excruciatingly long week. His mouth was full of words he wished he could say: an apology to Sarah that would now go forever unheard; a retort to his mother’s harsh words of judgement just before she left again; a question for his father about what he did to drive him away for 90 percent of every year.

But what good were all of those words if there was no one who wanted to hear them? No one who wanted to reassure him that he wasn’t a failure, wasn’t a burden, wasn’t always “too much.” 

Topper’s parents had never been what most would call affectionate, but he’d never felt like he’d had any right to complain about that. His parents had never laid a hand on him, the way he knew for a fact that other parents on the island did. So what if his parents had missed his last three birthdays? So what if his mom refused to look him in the eye and spoke coldly to him for an hour after bailing him out of jail, only to pack a bag and leave as Topper broke down in his room after hearing about Sarah and John B?

Physically, Topper was fine, so he had no room to complain. He stood up and went to his dad’s expensive liquor cabinet, pouring himself a shot of the strongest stuff he could find. He knew his mom would throw a fit if she watched him doing this, but she would actually have to come home for that to happen. He threw the shot back. Then another. And another.

Before he knew what he was doing, Topper was holding his phone in shaky hands, his mom’s contact pulled up. He stared at the phone for three minutes before starting the call. He tried to regulate his breathing as he listened to the dial tone.

...nothing.

Topper wasn’t sure whether to be upset or relieved. He moved on quickly.

Next, he called Sarah. He wasn’t expecting an answer; this wasn’t the first time he’d done this. He clicked the contact anyway, gasping when he heard her voicemail message. He ended the call quickly, setting his phone down for a minute as he tried to compose himself. He poured another shot.

There’s no one else who would pick up the phone for him, Topper knows that. Rafe is in rehab, Kelce’s parents forced him to drop communications with him after Topper had been arrested. Topper had no one left. He scrolled through his contacts, clicking on them to hear them ring, feeling unsurprised but more desolate every time no one answered.

And then someone picked up.

“What the fuck do you want Topper?”

Topper dropped his phone. That wasn’t a prerecorded message. Someone picked up. Someone was speaking to him.

“What the hell man? I’m gonna hang up.”

Topper choked on a sob. God, he was embarrassing. 

“Topper? The fuck, dude? Are you okay?”

Topper sucked in a breath, clearing his throat desperately. His voice still came out shaky and rough.

“Sorry, that was weird. I’m fine, I don’t know why I’m calling. I’m sorry.”

His voice cracking at the end did nothing to quell the other’s concern.

“Yeah, you definitely don’t sound fine, big guy. Are you safe? Do you need a ride somewhere? Do you need me to call someone for you?”

Topper let out a stupidly desperate cry, shaking his head quickly even though his drunken mind knew the other couldn’t see him. 

“No one else picked up.”

The voice on the other side of the phone hesitated.

“Are you at your house? I can come over if you need me to?” 

Topper shook his head again. 

“Yes. I mean no. I’m at home. You don’t need to come.” 

The other person sighed.

“Open your front door. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

————————

JJ had never been to Topper’s house. They were never exactly friends, so that wasn’t really a surprise. If JJ was being honest, this whole side of the island scared the hell out of him. He stared at the front door for a minute before pushing it open and calling out.

“Topper? You in here man? This better not be a trap,” he half-joked. 

Topper shuffled into the foyer, eyes downcast and chin to his chest, completely lacking the confident facade that JJ had never seen him without.

“I told you you didn’t have to come here,” he croaked. 

JJ just frowned at him.

“I promise I’m fine. Can you let it go please?”

“You called me, man. And then you cried when I answered. We’re not even friends, so I think it’s pretty clear that you’re not okay right now.”

Topper finally looked up at him, and JJ almost took a step back when their eyes met; Topper’s big eyes looked absurdly sad, and JJ felt his heart ache as he watched those eyes well up. 

“What do you want me to say? That I’m not okay? That this is the first time I’ve spoken in a week? That I’m so lonely I called every person in my contact list and cried when someone finally answered? Is that what you wanna hear?”

JJ put his hands up in the air, stepping toward the other boy slowly as Topper swiped at his eyes furiously. 

“Topper, listen to me man. It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna get you through this. Is it okay if I hug you? It feels like you could use a hug.”

Topper gave a short nod, holding himself tightly before JJ’s arms were around him, squeezing him just tightly enough to not feel suffocating.

Topper melted.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Topper was mortified, but he honestly could not remember the last time he had been hugged. He clung to JJ’s t-shirt, shaking like a leaf. 

The two held onto each other in the foyer until Topper’s sobs were reduced to hiccups. JJ pulled back slightly, noting the way Topper continued to grip his shirt but once again refused to look at him.

“That felt therapeutic,” JJ spoke quietly, offering what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “We can go sit down if you want to talk about that at all?”

Topper turned around wordlessly, using his grip on JJ’s shirt to pull him toward the living room, sure he’d fall apart all over again if he lost all contact.

The two settled on the couch gingerly, unsure of how to handle the tension that had settled between them. JJ broke it first. 

“Even your mom didn’t answer?”

Topped jumped at the suddenness of the question before shaking his head.

“No. Not a surprise though.”

JJ frowned at him again.

“What about your dad?” 

Topper scoffed.

“I don’t even know his phone number.”

JJ let out a low whistle. 

“A whole week, huh? Damn, man, sorry your parents suck.”

Topper shook his head vehemently.

“They’re not that bad. They never hit me or anything like that, I could be so much worse off.”

JJ reared back, and Topper jumped at the quick movement before continuing quickly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that, it’s just that I probably actually deserve it sometimes, you know? I’m not really good at anything, the only thing I do around here is spend money and make shit difficult for my mom. Asking her to be home more or pay attention to me would just make me more of a burden than she already thinks I am, so really a couple smacks once in a while would probably be justified,” Topper rambled, not noticing the way JJ’s eyes cycled through emotions; disbelief, sympathy, recognition. He settled on something Topper couldn’t pick out before taking a deep breath.

“Topper. I need you to listen to me. You’re not a burden. You don’t deserve to be hit, alright, nobody does. You shouldn’t have to do anything to earn your parents’ love; that shit is supposed to be unconditional, but some people just... weren’t meant to be parents, I think. Just because your parents have never hit you, doesn’t mean they’re perfect. You deserve to feel seen and heard and loved and respected, and if I can say that to you and mean it, you need to be able to admit that to yourself.”

Topper was sobbing again by the time JJ was done, so JJ pulled him back into his arms. Topper sure as hell wasn’t okay, but at least he wasn’t alone any more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them have never had any sort of relationship to one another, let alone one that warranted waking up together in any sense. Yet here they were.

JJ woke up first.

He jumped as he took in his surroundings - not John B's...not his dad's house...oh. 

Once he remembered where he was, he was startled again at the realization that there was someone next to him...oh shit.

The night before came back to JJ in flashes: showing up at Topper's house and holding him while he cried; Topper's emotional confession that was (incredibly) concerning; Topper crying himself to sleep with both arms wrapped tightly around JJ's waist.

Assessing the situation, JJ decided he could at least get up and leave quietly to spare the other boy the embarrassment of waking up with him after the night they'd had. At some point during the night, Topper had moved away from JJ just enough to still be touching, his right hand palm-up against JJ's arm. JJ pulled his arm away incredibly slowly; if there was one thing living with his dad had taught him, it was how to be absolutely dead silent when he needed to be. 

Unfortunately, the world had other plans.

JJ was so focused on watching Topper to make sure he didn't wake up that he swung his elbow into a vase on the coffee table. The vase shattered. Topper's eyes flew open and JJ immediately began apologizing.

"Holy shit, dude, I'm so sorry," JJ started, subconsciously inching towards the door. "I can find a way to pay you back for that, I swear, I don't think I can do it right now but I'm sure we can work something out so just please don't...wait, what the fuck? Are you okay?"

Topper was looking at JJ like he'd never seen him before, or at the very least like he could not fathom what JJ was doing there. And then he threw up on the couch.

"Oh, fuck, Topper, okay, alright, that's okay, you're okay, no worries, we can take care of that."

Topper slid to the floor, curling up and burying his face in his hands, too mortified and too hungover to even begin to process everything happening.

JJ watched the boy seemingly attempt to disappear into the carpet and sighed heavily before leaving the room in search of a bathroom.

Topper cringed to himself and felt the tears of shame he'd been trying so hard to hold back begin to drip down his cheeks. God, he was such a fucking mess that he couldn't even be hungover correctly. What a disaster.

When Topper heard footsteps returning to the living room, he furrowed his brow in confusion. JJ left. Topper had heard him go. Who the fuck was this?

"So, I found some Tylenol and a glass of water, think you'll be wanting those. Where can I find cleaning supplies?"

Topper pulled his tear-stained face out of his hands to stare up at JJ in awe and confusion. JJ stared right back, hands on his hips as he raised an eyebrow in question.

"Oh, right, I forgot. You wouldn't know, that's the maid's job, right?"

All Topper could do was shake his head, still unsure of what exactly was happening here. Was he so lonely that he was hallucinating? Was that what his life had come to?

JJ rolled his eyes.

"Fucking whatever man, I know some home remedy shit for puke stains if you actually don't know, but I'd have to see what's in your kitchen first, so I'm just gonna go look. Do what you gotta do, I guess."

Topper's eyes followed JJ as he left the room, and the second he did Topper stood up on shaky legs to follow him. JJ threw a glance to him over his shoulder as he began pulling open cupboards. Topper took a second to find his voice, which came out, unsurprisingly, scratchy as hell.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

JJ paused, arms raised above his head. Without turning around to look at him, JJ gave a small, almost nervous sounding laugh.

"Are you fucking serious?" 

Topper was taken aback by the genuine surprise in JJ's voice. Why the hell was he acting like nothing about this situation was weird?

JJ heaved a sigh, spinning around and hoisting himself up gracefully to sit on the countertop. If he weren't so hungover, he probably would have yelled at JJ because not even he was allowed to sit on the countertops.

"Jesus. I should've known you'd need to be blackout drunk to be that emotional. Huh."

And it all came flooding back, crystal clear. Fuck.

JJ was quick to take on a reassuring tone, and Topper couldn't fucking stand it. 

"No, it's not fucking okay! Do you have any idea how humiliated I am right now? Oh, my god, what the fuck is wrong with me? Out of all the people in my life who could have seen me like that, it just had to be you, for fuck's sake, I'm so sorry you had to see that shit, please just leave, oh, my god...."

JJ simply shook his head at the other boy as his mortified rant trailed off.

"I'm sorry you're embarrassed, but I really wish you wouldn't be. So you had a moment of weakness, shit happens all the time, dude. The last time I felt lonely, I went surfing alone and gave myself a concussion, and that fucking sucked, so yeah, this probably feels shitty and really weird for you - trust me, I think it's weird, too, but definitely not the weirdest thing either of us have experienced in the past month - but I guess I'm just glad you asked for help? This island's lost enough kids, man, I'm just doing my part not to let there be another."

Topper was shell shocked. In his foggy memories of the night before he vaguely recalled JJ saying something surprisingly profound, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He pursed his lips, rubbing a hand over his eyes before sighing.

"What's the home remedy for the stain?"

JJ stared at the other boy with a blank expression for a second before flashing him a grin and hopping off the counter.

"So..."


End file.
